A while has passed or so to be accurate a year has passed and I have had this hidden lump in my throat that feels like its been lodged there by the hundreds of eyes that secretly judge me and my status. This lump is a voice waiting to come out, kind of like choking on food, when the lodged item has been removed you feel relief. Well this post is my voice, and you reading it is a satisfaction to me, you are dislodging that lump in my throat.
I started off as a singleton who had just graduated university in her early twenties, oh the joyous moment of handing in my dissertation, it was like the weight of the world had been lifted off my chest. To be honest, the weight of all those books were lifted from my shoulders, and I was able to breathe a sigh of relief. That was until I realised that I was now considered an ant in the world of employment, I was a minuscule in the trading and professional world where there are others who are considered to be elites, and way ahead in their careers. I took the plunge and searched like a scavenger looking for it’s prey, and there it was, my first success; my first foot in the door of the working world. I had landed my first job (although small for some), as an Administration Assistant. I worked as a temp learning on the job and gaining new skills which would help me in my future career, a career that I still had not decided upon.
All those years at university studying for a bachelors in Sociology and Criminal Justice, I never really paid attention to one singular profession that I wanted to move into, I left my mind open to other possibilities hoping to somehow work my way up into a position I would love. So anyway, once my contract working as an administration assistant had come to an end, me and my OH tied the knot in our relationship and off I moved to Lancashire where I had not ventured before.
I think my biggest mistake here was not looking for a job in the area I would be relocating to (living in my husbands hometown where he grew up), I was so sidetracked by wedding this and wedding that, that I didn’t think about my career or what I would do years from now. Let’s skip a ahead a little to get you to my current situation. I began working from home as a bookkeeper, something to keep me occupied whilst I tried to figure out my place in this new town I was living in. A year and a half later, and I am still working from home, but also have another job… one that is most crucial in my life, that is being a mum.
Sometimes I delve into my thoughts and think about all the wider possibilities out there. But then, I look at my life now as a stay at home mum, and a part time worker who has the flexibility to work from home, and I think… I wouldn’t have it any other way. Yes I have had people judge me, gosh if I had a penny for every silent judgement towards me I would have a good couple of hundred pounds in my pocket right now.
I feel like there are so many people who frown upon us stay at home mums because they are working, or are able to socialise a lot more than us. I socialise, hell yeah I socialise! I have a one year old who is a good listener, then there’s the grandmas in the local park who take their grandchildren to the park. We have conversations… in our minds, I say hello and I like to think they say it back. You’ll think I’m nuts if I tell you we have a whole conversation in my head, but that’s a whole different story.
My real friends are back in Birmingham and although we don’t get to meet often, when we do meet we tend to get the party started in under five minutes, take that you judgemental person! As for thinking we stay at home mums do nothing all day, well you seriously need to spend a day being me. Here’s a little preview for you, 9am change baby’s nappy, feed the child it’s morning milk before she gets cranky. Eat breakfast and feed the child as well. 11am clean the house whilst entertaining a one year old who is fascinated with everything she shouldn’t be touching. 12pm hold the baby whilst cleaning, or cooking. Stop when she has screamed the House down and take a break before you go insane, don’t forget to feed her lunch.. oh and feed yourself too, I’ve noticed you’ve been skipping lunch recently. Play with Deeja til 1pm, and put her down for her nap. Now is your chance to either, finish cooking dinner, eat lunch if you have not done that already, write a new blog post or get some office work done. At 3pm it’s time to change the baby and feed her again, and then play with her whilst trying to drink hot tea. My day continues like this until 9pm everyday… now tell me how much time do you think I have for myself again? I don’t get lunch breaks, or toilet breaks… my toddler comes with me to the bathroom, and I am feeding the baby during lunch as well as myself.
I could go on forever on this topic about how under appreciated we may feel at times, and how vulnerable we actually are when people hear the word Stay At Home Mum. As for my career, most nights are spent catching up on deadlines. I will find my place in the career chain, just not yet, right now I have a baby to care for, and I know that no one can raise her better than me, so for now my job is being a mum to Deeja. Nothing can beat that, nothing.
Deeja & Mum.