They say it’s important to make time for your spouse after becoming parents, that’s if you want to stay happily married of course. I do of course, but who’s they? “They” refers to the many sites I have gone through trying to figure out how to make the transition between being a wife, as well as a mom. To name a few of those sites: netmums, Babycentre, parenting, and the list goes on. (You can see the connection between the site names; it’s all parent / child related sites).
At first I didn’t really pay attention to the different roles I actually had to play, I just went with the flow, and paid attention to both spouse and baby whenever needed. Kind of like a robot with a schedule, 1pm baby needs a nap: be a mom, 3pm prepare dinner for family: be the housewife, in the evening… put baby to sleep and spend times with spouse, be a wife. What I failed to realise at the time was, I was constantly transitioning between mom, and wife every hour or more, it was starting to drain me of my own self. What about me? When can I just be ME? Not a wife, not a mom, just me.
As time went on, and the months flew by, Little K became more demanding for attention, as she grew and learnt new skills, she craved more of my time to play. My brain had then decided to not transition so much and to play the role of a mom more than a wife to my husband, so over the last few weeks; I have been a mom more than a wife. It’s only when I struggled to connect with my husband I realised that I was no longer able to transition between mother, and wife as easily as before. I had been stuck playing mom for so long, I had forgotten what it felt like to be a friend, and companion towards my partner. When you miss your partner, yet they are still in the same room as you, that’s when you know something is wrong. That’s when it dawned on me, in order to maintain a healthy balance as a parent and partner, it’s important to have “Us Time”. Not only does it allow you to rekindle your marriage, it gives you the opportunity to hold adult conversations (unlike the 97% of the time you spend doing baby talk). Did I mention you get to go out and dine wherever you fancy, even get out of those mummy sweatpants you’ve been wearing so long!
We decided to preplan our “date” and head out to Zouks in Manchester without the baby! Finally, it felt like we were two young spirited people ready to conquer the world in under 3hours. (Yep, we still had to have a time limit to get the baby ready for bed when we got back). So what did we get up to? My OH dropped off Little K to her grandparents house to have some playtime and lots of cuddles, which gave me just enough time to allow me to get ready. I decided to go a little fancy on our evening out, that’s right, I even pulled out my new red dress and black suede boots!
It was my first time eating at Zouks restaurant and I must say, I was quite impressed! The decor was very modern, each table having a small vase with a pink flower inside, and two fancy chrome salt and pepper shakers. It took me a while to figure out what they were, thankfully I didn’t destroy the table decor before the food came. Phew! We decided to order two curries, chicken jalfrezi, and chicken apricot (it was my first time eating apricots in a curry), accompanying our currys was two naans, and some masala chips. Being out without the baby allowed us to reconnect and reminisce about the days we would dine everywhere without worrying about baby changing rooms, and nap times. After our meal, we decided to go for a walk around the city centre, we even snuck in a trip to a very busy Starbucks and ordered a hot chocolate. The cool breeze and the sound of people around having a good time was enough to put a smile back on my face.
From then on we took a silent vow (exchange of looks, followed by a silent nod of agreement), that we should go out as a couple more often, even if that means preplanning a date, in order to keep our spark alive. To all parents and more out there in the world, this post is for you. When we become a parent; we tend to forget about the life we lived before, yes we constantly reminisce about the many holidays we could have gone to, or how we could be so ahead in our career, we even push our partners aside to take care of our children. Amidst the chaos we fall short of love in our marriage, that’s when we begin to wonder where did it all go wrong? Let’s start today on a positive note and aim to spend more time with our partner, whether it be watching a movie at home when the kids are asleep, or going out to eat, visiting the cinema, or even taking a walk together, the littlest steps can resolve the distance you may have in your marriage. Here’s to a blissful marriage, and us mommas out there being a super mom 99% of the time.
Little K & Mum